I’m sitting in the Arusha Tourist Inn again and it feels like home. We stayed here three times in January and to come back from such a crazy month in Zanizbar is really nice. Today is one that requires a lot of patience. We got in from Zanizbar on Saturday and are starting our internships today. Except not even all of them are set in stone yet. I’m waiting for the woman who runs the school I’m going to be in to come back and get the three of us working there this month. But, because this is Africa when she says “I’ll come to get you” it could be hours. Which it has been hah. Others are off and working though at Compassion International and an organization that helps widows own their land and find jobs. Another one of our girls is going to be working in an juvenile detention center. I’m going to be helping in a 6th grade history/civics class. Ann Teberg, a Whitworth Ed professor who is helping a lot with our internships and has a school near Arusha, said that she’ll be sure to tell them not to throw us in too quickly. According to her, in the past students have shown up and the teachers of the school give the whole class to them and say “teach.” Ah! I would be incapable of doing that right now! They are convinced that because we are Americans we are automatically better and know how to teach. Crazy. It is true that American taught teachers are better quality, but I’m expecting to learn so much from them. And the students. The most I know about my internship is that I will get to and from it by the bus that my house sister rides. All the teachers take the bus with the kids so I wont be the only adult on it, just the only white girl =]
We’re all very happy to be back in Arusha. Zanizbar was great but so hot that here feels cold and this weekend was the first time in a month that I didn’t feel sticky while putting on my clothes after taking a shower. We’re all also very happy to return to the families we lived with in January. It’s like we get to go home! It’s a really fun feeling to be returning somewhere we’re familiar with. And, we women don’t have to worry so much if our knees flash when the wind blows our kongas or that our shoulders are covered in our homes.
There are a lot of perceptions about women, men and the Muslim culture, like suppression of women through clothing and polygamy and distance between guys and girls. I didn’t know what I all thought about it, but remember hearing once that women feel empowered by wearing their full body dress and rather enjoy it; I’ve kept that in mind ever since I learned it. But, living in Zanzibar gave me a lot of opportunity to learn about this, from both male and female friendships I had. I became friends with my house mom’s 16-year-old sister and was able to ask her a lot of questions and just hear about her life. My last Sunday there we were at her house for dinner (which means we went around 2:30pm and didn’t get back until after 9pm) and got a chance to really hang out and talk. She took us to see the roof of her house, which over looked a Hindu Cremation sight surrounded by trees where a bunch of guys play soccer and work out. It also gave us a beautiful view of the most gorgeous sunset I’ve ever seen.
Here are some fun things I’ve learned. If a man proposes, a girl cannot refuse her hand. I learned from my roommate that a man can have up to four wives and a wife can have up to one husband. Even if she does not want to, she must marry if her family says she must. But that also creates a security net for an unwanted marriage- the father may say no. But I’m guessing that if it’s a well off man or a close family friend there’s no way out of it. Sukhyrat (Sue-hi-rat), my house mom’s sister (whose name I can pronounce but not spell, so I’m going to call her Sue) says that she isn’t afraid of marrying because she trusts her father’s judgment. Her father, by the way, is like this crazy old Indian guy that always sits on his balcony and never has a shirt on his thin, hunched, aging body. He also loves my roommate and I and has a great sense of humor, so it was fun to be welcomed into his house.
I learned that weddings here are spread over multiple days, which is easily compared to an American wedding process. You have the engagement, bridal shower, maybe a bachelor party, the wedding itself and a reception, maybe more than one reception. But the wedding day is the big, big day. Here, every day is just as done up as the actual wedding day. From the pictures and videos we’ve seen the bride wears multiple dresses, all full of color and amazingly beautiful. The engagement party seems like the actual wedding; the bride is all dressed up and tons of people come for it. This day is meant only for the women though. The days very between preferences but normally there is a time when all the men gather, usually dressed in their long white gowns and hats. The there is the wedding day. On this day the brides face is completely covered. In all the pictures the groom and friends and family around her all smile wide and she is just a covered body. Smiling as well, I’m sure, if she wants to. Then the day after the wedding is another big party; the cake cutting happens here and the bride is exposed like normal. There is normally a bridal breakfast and lunch as well. In all of this there is a time when the in-laws feed and give individual gifts to the bride and groom.
I got a unique chance to experience a wedding while in Zanzibar which also led to the chance to wear legit Indian clothing. We’re not completely sure which day we attended because there were only women, as if the engagement day, but the groom also showed up and there was cake. So, who knows. The room was full of women in their colorful dresses and done up with make-up. For a long time some were just dancing to the singing, drums and tambourines, and we waited for the bride to enter. Finally she came, helped by her sisters and mother (you could tell who was family by who had henna covering their arms). She was beautiful, in her twenties, wearing a white and light blue dress and a stark white veil. I hoped I wouldn’t see what our friends saw at a wedding they went to: a young girl who looked terrified and ready to cry, who hardly looked up. As she entered her head was down and she was expressionless. Drat. This is sad. As I though about it, though, this solemn face with eyes to the ground was pretty normal. I heard of it, saw it on TV and was now seeing it in person. Even the groom had no smiles when he entered, or even as they cut their cake.
Lucky for Sue, who doesn’t want to marry until she’s in her twenties, her father wants his daughters to marry later too, making school a priority (unlike her 17-year-old cousin who married her 32-year-ole cousin in December- and they looked very happy and bright eyed in all of their pictures and videos- and is with child already).
So that we started talking to Sukhyrat about what her plans were. She wants to do cool things. Number 1: she wants to be a diver. Number 2: she likes to paint and wants to learn hair and make up; being in her last year of school, she reminds me of my own sister. Number 3… Number three is her last choice, but by the way she talks, it’s the only path. Number three consists of waiting until she’s done testing at school to find out what she’s good at and what she can do. We talked to her about what schools she could find and suggested the marine biology university in Stonetown. But its comes down to the fact that diving is for men, thus never something she can do. I was only able to leave her with, “Maybe you’ll be the first.” The hair and make up is a good shot. It would be easy to learn because there are so many of these shops around and it’s a big part of their culture, but she has to approve it through her parents first, and she’s not too optimistic about it. So she’s left with her tests. We tried to brainstorm with her and were able to come up with working in government or international relations because of the three languages she already knows and she’s interested in being a lawyer. There is a promise in her third and only true option, in her eyes, but it was sad to see her so sure that what she really wanted to do was completely unreachable to her. It’s for boys.
So then, speaking of boys. I asked Sue what she thought about girls who didn’t wear their headscarves or who were hanging out with boys. She is dealing with the rebellions of her peers. She is not allowed a cell phone or Facebook because they are an easy way for guys and girls to meet up or date, which is exactly what’s been happening. She’s also dealing with friends who tease her because when they go out and don’t wear their headscarves, but she continues to. Why? She fears sins. It is a sin for every hair that can be seen by a man. That’s a lot. I’m curious about when scarves are worn just halfway on the head and if that counts, or about that moment, when the boys playing soccer could look up and wave to us, but I didn’t say anything. Others heard that the covering of the body had a lot to do with men and their inability to control themselves, so for purity reasons. Funny thing though, if you go to the club at night the same girls that are covered in the day look like their “in a rap video” according to Abbey (a fellow student). We’ve been having good conversations among ourselves about this and if that is right. There is a lot of “Men should control themselves!” and I like to throw out that women shouldn’t flaunt either, its dangerous for both sides. But Sue likes to wear hers regardless of that argument. So, from what I gather, she doesn’t have any guy friends and most who follow their traditions don’t have friends of the opposite sex.
I must say that because of my previous perception that men and women are separate, I got really happy when I would see a group of guys and girls walking together, talking and even pushing each other around. But I’ve hardly seen anything like that. I have seen what Sue was talking about, guys and girls sitting alone together and I wonder who knows about it, and who doesn’t.
So then there are my relationships with guys here. It’s much different because I am white. As a white woman in Africa I am actually an “honorary man” so, especially in Zanzibar, I was more able to converse with men than the local women can. And, the men are the ones to speak to us. Our male peers are more likely to attempt to spark friendships with us than the women around us. I think that it is intimidating on both sides for the women, Americans and locals, but we really wanted to befriend them. That’s something I still have to figure out how to do. But this is what all of us women on our trip are experiencing: an overwhelming amount of conversation about boyfriends and marriage. If the question, “Are you married?” doesn’t come up in a conversation, it’s successful! My conversation partner through SUZA was a young man finishing up his teaching and history degree (funny because that’s my same major also). It was a great experience because it did help me get used to having local guy friends. But, after a day in his village, asked by all his friends if I was married and even talked to him about marrying him, I broke and allowed myself the security only a lie would bring when two more guys asked if I was married on the bus on my way back home. I said no, because that’s the truth, but at that moment I realized my only true way out of the discomfort and annoyance was to say, “I have a boyfriend.” It was amazing how that toned things down. It’s not that all the men here are out for that, because I also really enjoyed the time I spent with these guys, helping them with English and them helping me with Swahili. I thought about being very honest with him and his friends, saying that for us Americans, it freaks us out when they talk to us about marrying them after two days. But I didn’t explain it to them. In ways, its flattering, mostly its makes for laughable stories, but still, a very interesting experience.
And to clarify, the women here are very strong, especially when they gather together for weddings and such. They are always laughing with each other and enjoying themselves and most run their homes strongly.
Also, as an American, I experienced a sort of pressure to wear a headscarf. There is no obvious or outward pressure, but just a desire to fit in. After the first two weeks I got used to being among them without my head covered. But it was really fun when we did wear headscarves to the wedding and our school graduation. After debriefing in our group we all said we would wear headscarves all the time if we could do it over again. When we did wear them, other women were more likely to talk to us and they loved it, telling us how beautiful we were =] They are such fun women!
So that was a lot of fun to be a part of and learn from. As a women, I loved trying on their dress and felt very beautiful in it. But, if I lived in Zanzibar, what would bother me the most is the restraint it has on physical activity. The physical activity pulls on me there. If I was a girl living in Zanzibar, I would not be able to join the boys jumping off the stonewall into the water in the afternoon. I would not be able to join my guy friends in a fun game of soccer. I would not be able to run properly because my buibui would be in my way. I could join the girls’ one soccer field that we spotted, or use the water to be active, but I saw No girls swimming. Of course, men have their requirements too, wearing their sacred dress on Fridays because that’s the Holy Day. But the freedom is clearly greater for them.
It’s all very interesting and can spark really great conversations and debates, but I’m so glad to be just learning so much right now.
I’m still in the hotel. Some people have already come back from their internships with news like, “They didn’t know who we were or why we were there,” and, “We still don’t know if we can work there tomorrow.” Hah, TIA! I believe that our professors here are going to be able to work everything out. But, like I said, today, and maybe the next few, will require a lot of patience. Just the African experience =]
In the future:
This coming weekend will be in a Maasai village and we’ve all opted to take the chance to sleep with them and their goats.
In two weekends we are taking a retreat to the Mountain View Lodge that is attached to the side of a mountain.
Our spring break is all planned out too. We will see four game parks in 7-8 days and be staying in Serena Hotels, which are very nice. The Serengeti is one of our stops and now is the best time for elephants and lions. Very much looking forward to that.
Prayer requests:
*Smooth going with our internships. That we would all benefit a huge load from them and make amazing connections.
*That with lack of internet and communication, those of us needing to schedule for classes for next year will be able to get everything we need and on time. That all of our credits earned here would transfer back smoothly as well.
*Continual health and safety.
*Now that we aren’t actually in school for Swahili, that we would still grow in vocabulary and ability with our host homes and internships.
Praises too:
I passed my Swahili test with an 87, which will go back to the states as an A!
Still safe, still healthy, still growing and no where close to being done.
A chat with my family on Skype was very uplifting the other day. I miss my friends and family dearly. I'm realizing more and more, though, that I don't miss the noise of American society and media and am not looking forward to returning to that.
I want to welcome any questions too. Comment if you have any!
Tutaonana marafiki yangu
See you later my friends
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